cool. its been some time since i blogged huh. two days i think. ha. nothing much happened these few days, slacking at sk, drinking a bit, and stuff. something unhappy happened between my friends today, but im sure it would never affect our friendship, i mean never. drinking is a blast, cut out the hang over. ha.


i get your hint, i know youre waiting for me to ask you out. forgive me alright? cause i don have the courage to do so. the more im in contact with you, the harder it is for me to let go. im being so cold so you would think im not as good as what you imagined. with so many people with the hot for you, im not confident of winning your heart. forgive my selfishness and low self esteem. i hate it too. everynight, i yearn to hear your voice and yet every minute i spend with you is the counting down to the moment when i have to leave you. you once told me, you never try you`d never know. as true as it might be, it will hurt me deeply if i were to hear a no from you. get it? i dont have the courage to try and neither do i have the confidence of being the one whom matters to you. maybe, being by your side is just not where i belong. the hardest way to let go is when you love that someon so deeply, but have to let go because your love is suffocating her and its starting to take its toil on you. you told me, everytime you felt contended with your life, someone had to intrude into your life. are you refering to me? ha. i think so. i seriously do. its 6.45 am now, and im not asleep. insomnia in progress i guess. i like the way i would keep quiet and wait for you to fall asleep over the phone, because i know i wont have much chance to do it again. S.C, ily.


wx, get well soon alright? i really hope to see you up and kicking again. youre still so young, with a promising future ahead of you. if i could have a wish right now, it would be non other than for you to get well soon. bro, kuai yi dian hao qi lai, hao ma? bu yao zai shui le. ni shui gou le. bro! get well, please.

Labels: thoughts of giving up.

cool. lets recap what i did yesterday. went sk to slack, rotting to be exact, and acc my friends drink at reservoir. after that was tonning at sen`s house. this brother of mine hor, 24/7 at home gaming de leh. kao. like so no life, ha! bro, take care of your eyes and health la. keep gaming, cb.


my scv just broke down, and she sent the wrong message to me, i think she meant it for another person. cool. ha. what a wonderful day i had. if i could go back in time, i would hold your hand tightly so you know im there, and i wont let go. IF. what a stupid word.


sometimes i really wonder, what point is there we keep contacting like that, making me harder and harder to let go. sometimes i really feel like hardening my heart and stop contacting you, but WOW, i realised i cant. so much for love casanova huh. girl, you rock my world and my life revolve around you.

wx`s still in hospital, and i still feel as bad like ever. bro, get well soon alright? promise me you will.

Labels: unprecedented future

cool. so i still contacted her. when we were debating whether or not to talk on the phone, im struggling. saying no would kill me, but i realised saying yes is just prolonging my agony. so i made my decision. i kept silent throughout almost the whole conversation. my heart ached when she said she wanted to sleep and i said ok. but, do i have a choice? no.

let this be the last time i would ever contact her. thats what i said everytime, and failed to do it. but this time round, im sure of it. she go her life, her boy, her dreams. besides, its me who failed to cherish her isnt. ha. ironical. letting her go only to be at my knees pleading her to stay later on. cool.

i cant say this to her, so, let me type it here. to feel better. imy imy imy imy . ha. fuck everything thats going on my mind now.

so, i went down to slack today! like finally. ha! but still, my fatigue got over me and i decided to go home. romantic love story dont happen only in drama. it happens in real life too, the only difference being no matter what, the male and female lead wont have a change of mind. the female lead will wait no matter what. whereas in real life, people will change. so, not everyone is there whenever we know we`re wrong. agree? i know you do. ha.

i`d dream of you, saying yes to me. i`d get butterflies in my stomach whenever you called me. i`d be over the moon whenever you messaged me. but you would get these feeling only when he contacted you. it would never be me. and i know it. so, lets give it a break. i`d pretend i never found you.

wx`s still in hospital, and my guilt is accumulating everyday, everynight. bro, get well soon alright? i`ve been praying for your recovery everynight. get well real soon alright? promise me you would.

Labels: no one controls fate

woo. its so god damn late now, and im awake. alot of things is rushing through my mind now. i used to think, so what if she like him? so what if its impossible between us? i just hope to message her, talk on the phone with her almost everynight.


but this mindset changed when i watched a show recently. the female lead, who is diagnosed with a incurable disease, died shortly after she got together with the male lead. two years after their break up, which is due to her passing away (obviously) the female lead`s parents went to find him(the male lead. he said something that set my tears dropping. when her,(the female lead) parents is about to go off, he said "uncle, auntie. sometimes, i wanted so badly to hear her voice." but he knew its impossible. boys and girls, this show is based on a real life story.

than it set me thinking. if this guy, could get over the pain of not contacting the person he loved, why cant i? its 4 am now, and four hours ago, when its 12 am pls, i hinted her i dont want her to call. reason being, tonight will be the night i brace myself up. to NOT contact her ANYMORE. i decided to cease contact with her not because im in love with another person or whatsoever. its because i loved her too much, its starting to hurt me. so,..

i don expect her to read this, and i don expect any sympathy from any of you. i said all this because i just needed a place to vent my feeling.

i wont have a chance to say this to her in this life, but this is something i would not stop doing for the rest of my life. girl, ily.

Labels: girl of my life

cool. so i have my own blog huh. my very first post of my life! how cool can that be, hahs. i created a blog so i can know how much i changed, ha.

did nothing much overall today, slept, slacked, smoked. waiting for my eyes to recover, so i can start working. like, WOW. hahs. tis 25th august today, so earthlings, remember today for today is the first day i got my own blog! ha.

nothing else to say. see you, and congrats. you just wasted five minutes of your life reading my blog. see you, idiots.