ahdi

bizarre mindset

2009-12-17T19:07:00.000-08:00

another week or so passed by just like that again. this year seems to be a very fast year. with many things happening in my life. in another blink of eye, it would be new year, and than ns. like damn soon. caught twilight with Fel, and that idiot keep saying i don understand the movie cause i missed the first part. Argh. she should be honoured im willing to accompany her to the movies los. hahs!

down with cough and flu and sore throat, and the sickness is kinda killing me inside. i realised whenever its the end of year, alot of people will fall sick. like its the season of sickness. in my philosophy, i think its cause the temperature changes rapidly and in a inconsistent manner. leading to people prone to illness. hmmm, i guess nothing else is on my mind now, and i think im going to say good bye. adios! and oh, imy, Fel. ha.

Wx, my off for this few weeks is canceled, when i have the time, i will go look for you alright? stay strong, mantain positive. till than bro.

whirling thoughts

2009-12-06T23:41:00.002-08:00

its been a long time since i blogged, so im so going to recap what happened these few days. work, woork and work. argh. went for another inking session, shading my tatto. when my next pay is up, im going to ink my left hand so my both hand`s ink length will be the same. but thats going to be my last tatoo, i dont want to be addicted to inking again, ha.

got to know a girl through a customer- turned- friend, and i got to know she had been abused by her ex bf. this sets me thinking, why in the hell will a guy, who like someone so much, hit her? thats such a cowardly act. this unavoidably reminded me of a friend, who was once in the same situation as her. but now, they are back together, so i guess shes happy now. and oh, her birthday is a couple of weeks later, so i wanna wish her a happy birthday. to you all who wondered why am i wishing her so ahead of time, thats cause i lost her number, and im sure she don have mine either, so.. sheng ri kuai le. ^^. im sure her birthday is going to be bustling one, as its so near christmas. and fyi, my birthday is over for a week or so le, so give me my present. the one i wanted. really. once again, sorry for being mean. theres no point in not giving me that present, as i don have your contact anyway either. let me think of you in the future with no regrets alright? if you agree to give me that present.

enough of my rantings, and i run out of topics to say. so im so going to end my post. WX, get well soon. im sure you will be like what you were before. all the best to you, and everything you wants to achieve.

crazed flasbacks

2009-11-20T19:02:00.000-08:00

as usual, ages since i last blogged. had a tiring day at work yesterday, with the pub packed! like ARGH. hope its not so packed tonight bahs. if not im so going to have one hell of time working. besides, time seems to crawl last night. after what seems like a life time, time just passed by say, half an hour. and oh, did i mention its my friends birthday today? ha. happy birthday!

its going to be my birthday 2 days later! like, omg so excited!! do i look convincing enough? ha. am i too mean? i had this friend of mine, whom knew my birthday and wished me happy birthday. but i told her something kinda mean. no doubt i gave it alot of serious thoughts before i sended that message, but still, i feel mean. i know you do read the craps i write every now and then, so i would to express my thoughts here. sorry for being so mean, but i DO want my present, the one i told you. thanks. cool. now ny heart aches so much i realise you still matter.

WX, i heard you have difficulty walking up the stairs. give it time alright? im sure you would be as fit as before. like what they say, when theres a will, theres a way. take care alright? all the best.

scarred love

2009-11-12T16:32:00.001-08:00

i din blog for like, uncountable days huh. to start off, i want to share my joy with whoever is reading, if theres any. hahs. i won from soccer betting! although its only hundred plus, still i won!! hahs. im so going to buy a gucci bag next thurs. and, im going to quit smoking when i finish my current pack. alot of people says i cant, but if i can stop myself to think of the girl i loved the most, whats this. hahs. i readt a touching loving story from a persons blog, and the story goes like this. a guy loved this girl alot and folded a thousand paper cranes for her. and of course, they got together. however, one day, the girl said she see no future with the guy, and told him shes leaving him for another country for good. after she left, he worked hard to prove he will not be a nobody forever. years later, true enough, he had his own company, a car, whatever you named to be a successful person. while drving one day, he saw 2 familiar faces and he recognised them as the girls parents. he followed them to a cemetary, and out of curiosity, he got off his car and followed them. to his surprise, he saw the love of his life, smilling at him. but that smile comes from a photo on the tombstone. it turned out she knew she had numbered days, and decided to leave him so as not to stop him from being succesful.

this story is so touching la! like, omg. hahs. and oh, did i mention im no longer with any girls from my pub? i switched from girls to girls so as to forget her, but now i realised maybe i had already done it. so i decided not to bad to any girls, so.. im single! ha. and oh, when i din reply you, it doesnt mean i don wanna message you. it just means somehow, i hope you will message me again. ha. kay, enough of these nonsense. im going to bed soon.

WX, keep going alright? i know youre getting more and more better as days goes by, and im confident one day you would recover fully. god bless, bro.

unwanted memories

2009-11-06T17:56:00.001-08:00

with a blink of eye, its the start of nov. gentle reminder, my birthday is coming! ha, but i think i would be working at that day, so.. anyway i never really celebrated my birthday, so i guess its ok. seriously, i hate those collegues of mine, do nothing whole night but flirt with customer, like wth. worse still, one of them is named cybel. ccb right. fark it man. all my past post is so educated, but this is going to be a exception. seriously, ccb sia, to add it on, when she write her initials on her order slip, she will write bel. CCB LA. seriously. although shes out of my life, my heart still wringes when i see that initial. but i realised im a real violent person. i told her, eh cb you can don put bel anot, put cy la. than she ask why, and i replied no why, i don care, i see one time bel you kena one time. you want you can try. LOL. than she really never write bel liao. but i feel so bad, imposing on others when its my own problem.

work nowadays is getting inscreasingly fun, as i bonded closer with my collegues. and know what, alot of customer knows my name even though i don know them. see, thats what happen when youre good looking. HA. no la. i think its cause im the only singapore waiter on floor, as the rest is at bar. its 8 plus am now, and still i don feel tired. but i hate the drunk feeling, which im having now. damn neusating. ARGH. kay thats all, im going to bed.

WX, that time i wanted go find you, but you are not at princess. hmmm. next time alright? when im free and youre there. so long bro, take good care of yourself.

twisted fate

2009-11-01T14:19:00.000-08:00

another week has passed just like that. these few days are cool, with alot of new friends and bonding with collegues. first time in my life i feel so young. how i hate im only 19 this year, because alot of girls working in my pub is 20 plus. ha! like yesterday, a girl asked me how old i am, when she got to know im only 19, she said, oh. bo bian los, than youre my di di. ARGH. hahs. and oh, i hate how my gf will get drunk, than i must send her home. imagine, after a long day, i still must send her home. worst still, she stayed with the other girls, and they will always make fun of us. another ARGH. hahs, kay enough of ranting, time for so happy news. its my friend`s birthday few days back, and we went to the movies, the jennifer`s body. i swear the show`s a blast! cool actors, fantastic storyline, and suspending ending. 5 thumps up for that! hahs.

although i just sended her home, im starting to miss her. i miss you girl. hahs.

WX, im going to be on off soon, hope i can find you at princess then. i would fufil my promise and lets smoke together outside okay? take care xiong di.

unsatiable desire

2009-10-28T21:38:00.000-07:00

work these few days had been rather easy, with the crowd level low. however, i realised the lower the crowd level, the boring it is. so, im together with a collegue of mine, with her 5 years older than me. ha. but alot of my collegues know about it, to my dismay. because i originally wanted to keep it low profiled. but,well. but the most embarassing moment is when i and her hugged goodbye and our collegue bumped into us. than he say, eh our company girl don anyhow hor. ha. thats the most embarassing moment. hmm. hooked onto the song The Hotel California. you guys can go check it out. the lyrics could be releated to many things, many thought its drug addiction. but to me, its more about love. i like this phrase the most. - you can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave. its just like saying you can quit the game of love with this person anytime, but you would never leave this game, with you returning again. cool isnt it.

had the sudden inspiration to talk about conservation of our environment. we have been causing damage to our globe unknowillingly. leading to the significant damage to the ozone layer. like what i believe, we would not be the 1st race to be extinct, but whats shocking is we are destroying ourself knowillingly.

WX, heard you have been playing dota this couple of weeks. glad to see youre becoming stronger. shall meet you soon, we would smoke outside together, remember? so long, bro.

fairytales

2009-10-21T17:19:00.000-07:00

let me start off my post with what happened these few days. i just had my off day, and honestly my off day sucked. i slept my off day off, and woke up in the middle of the night with a empty stomach. argh. and oh, i kinda hate my work now, but i now i will miss it if i quit it. argh. and did i mention i must wait till the 30th of this month for my pay? argh

and i saw how money makes the world go round just now. theres this girl whose considered my collegue, cause shes those who acc customers to drink de. we can be considered quite close, and we often chatted, with sigh laungages and stuff. hmm. cause of the nature of her job, she had to get quite close with those guys, and i can tell she really hate it. if not for the fact we cant really communciate well, and im going ns soon, and of course, shes older than me. i think shes around 23-24, i would go for her. ha.

girl, im sending my love for you to the grave. thanks for making me strong.

i got to hang out with most of the sk people these few days, except for kim seng and kelvin. eh you two hor, better come sk more often hor. miss you two la. knn. and you this cb kel, stop playing break and patch with eunice le la. and you ar, cb eunice, keep break break for what. damn bu ji li one leh. i want go you two de wedding dinner la. see la, waste so much space of my blog to talk about you two. hahas. kay la, sk people all take care loads. got time and energy than go find you all los.

WX, are you in better spirits now? bet you are. had been asking around for your news, so, really hope you can get better. everyone had obstacles in life, and yours is exceptionally big. all i wanna say is, youre really brave. kudos to you, and your strive in life. take care alot alright?

im still not over you.

2009-10-18T17:33:00.000-07:00

lets do some recap. this week is a gruelling week for me, as i worked from mon to sun, seven consecutive days. tomorrow is going to be my eighth consecutive days, and hopefully i can know when is my off day. if not, im so going to fall. ha. got to know some cool people at the pub, with the most outstanding being a 33 year old guy. he doesnt know his age, and to be honest, no one would doubt if he were to say hes barely half over 20. been drinking quite abit these few days, and i hate the feeling of working while being half whisked. argh. i guess the mono life of working after my sleep, sleeping after my work and the reverse of the time i worked made me more bad tempered. been quite succesful in my strive to quit smoking, with me smoking less than five sticks everyday.

did i ever bring it up that one of the girls whom acc customers to drink looks like HER? seriously, i would say they are close to splitting image of each other. i guess its cause both of them comes thai. well, SHE is half thai, and my so called collegue is pure thai. thus the resemblance. she kinda made me hate work as seeing her reminds me of HER. down with some cough and flu, and hopefully i would feel better soon. i just started on this job, and i don feel like taking mc.

sometimes, when im alone at home, i would start praying, ironically, as im a buddhist. WX, glad that youre getting better with time, and hope this would not stop. same goes to my praying for you. get better and better, and till then, im sure you would have no problems recovering, god bless.

intoxic burden

2009-10-14T03:32:00.000-07:00

i would like to start off with million of thanks to my friends. when i first started writing on this blog, it was just a diary for me to reminsce after time goes by. but now, to my surprise, most of my friends came to know the existence of this blog. they are friends i know for what seems like most of my life, and seriously, i would say my life would be much more dull without them. Bedok Sk, a place where i spent most of my time at, be it doing stuff from simply slacking to having alot of fun. its not that easy to have friends you can trust on, and to me, im considered the lucky ones to have such. the strong bond to this place is such that whenever i finish work or on my way to work, i would take a look to see who is there. most of them had just finished their exams, so im here to extend my luck. lucks to those who had their exams.

my life suck now, ha. from working 8 - 5 am, i would sleep at around 10 am and wake up at 6 pm. and i have to start preparing for work. shucks for that. but of course, my job is not that tedious. and oh, im going for ns at nineth march next year. ARGH. as days goes by, i cant help but keep thinking about it. how is it going to be like? can i adapt to it? but still, nothings going to change the fact i have to serve that national bond. hmmm.

WX, so you had been discharged huh. i have no off days this week, but once my off days comes, imma visit you. hope youre leading a good life now, at least you can feel the warmth at home again, instead of the nonstalgic hosp. thanks for the answered prayers, and may god bless.

i`ll be there for you

2009-10-12T02:25:00.000-07:00

well, several days flashed by just like that. its my friends birthday yesterday, so, happy birthday. ha. went down to celebrate and slacked, but my fatigue is too much for me to handle and the fact that i have work today make me go home earlier. and oh, did i mention im working in a pub at east coast now? the environment is kinda cool, with bombastic music and cool dancers. ha.

this few days, i`ve been thinking whats the ultimate purpose of living. when we are young, we would yearn to be older and start working. ironically, when we are working, we start missing the good old days at school. thats human, i guess. wanthing the best of both worlds. having irregular meals lately, leading me having gastric. its not exactly a awful feeling, just the slight discomfort near abdominal. and its acting up now. ha.

9838, i missed you so. ha.

WX, im going to visit you soon, and till then, please get well. hope to see a revitalised you when i go to the hosp again alright? take care, god bless.

time lapse

2009-10-08T02:49:00.000-07:00

cool. i din update for like, ages. in a short blink of eye, its oct now, getting to the end of this eventful and complicated year. alot of changes to my life in this short year, mostly not that pleasant.

today i went to some hall where the ashes of my releative is placed at. coincidentally, its the same place as the one my friend marcus is at. stepping into the place reminds me of the day when a dozen of us walks in with heavy and solemn feet, accompanying him for his last journey in life. hes just a 19 year old guy, with dreams no different with all hot blooded young man out there, to get a bike license, to complete his ite. hes a talented artise, and no one who saw his works of art could deny the fact that he is born for this. thinking of what his sis said at his blog, i cant help but feel affected. furthermore, one of my bro is in hospital right now due to some injures to his brain. these two incident made me see how fragile life could be. no one could safely say how long more he could live. but thats human nature aint it? everyone wants to go to heaven, but no one wants to die. in the end i couldnt manage to find my friends tablet. however, hope hes having a good time in the eternal world.

im having two jobs now, another being a waiter at haji lane selling shi shas and drinks. i got this job after going there to slack out. hahs. hmm.. its a kinda easy job, and the people there are cool. pretty girls, loud music. hah. its weekend tomorrow, and a week just flashed by like that. singaprore`s ever changing weather is kinda making me sick. coughing, sneezing. whats more? ha

WX, imma visit you soon again. till than, get strong and well aight? im still waiting to smoke outside with you, so get back on your feets soon. tell me youre fine, tell me youre strong enough for all this, and recover soon, please. till than, god bless

dreams fragments

2009-09-29T01:07:00.000-07:00

its four plus now, and i i got work after an couple of hours. so now i realised, alot of my friends are reading my blog huh, hahs. im supposed to be off on wed, but im helping my collegues cover his shift. well, more labour, more pay. four dollars per hour is a little,.. idk. hahs

recently, i caught up with a friend of mine who is in ns now. well, according to him, ns life seems not as stressed up as i thought to be. but of course, im not going to take so much medical leave as he would when im serving my ns, reason being i wanna be all buffed up when im out from ns. my stomach is giving me alot of problems nowadays, coupled with cough. argh for that. lucky for me, theres a number of pretty girls at my workplace, making working hours not as tiring and boring. but somehow, i missed my prevous job, though it had longer hours. argh, thats human nature, to have the best of both worlds. ha.

Wx, we have recently raised a fund to aid in your medical bills, and although its not of a big amount, hope it helps in letting you know there are alot of people out there who cares alot about you, so get well fast and soon alright? i know youre capable of it. i`ll be here waiting, for the day when i said we would smoke outside together.

uncovered truth

2009-09-27T03:46:00.000-07:00

so, you found your way here huh. hahs. been coughing quite alot these few days, lucky my workload is not that hectic. been thinking about alot of things lately, and my mood is undeniably kinda affected. coughing puts me off from smoking, so im going to take this chance to quit smoking, for good. (pray hard i would) ha.

theres nothing i cant do, only things i dont wish to, same goes for leaving you. its something i wanna do for now, and im kinda sure im able to achieve it. take good care of yourself, dont always eat sweets. remember, we are fair now, we dont owe each other anything, any longer.
good times flies, and not long after, i might be enlisted for ns. three thumbs down for that. argh. been doing nothing much at home, normal rotting, and using com, once in a while.

WX, i almost couldnt hold back my tears when i visited you the other time. where is the manly, fierce wx i knew? revert back to your normal self soon alright? i know you can do it. nothing is gonna stand in your way of recovering isnt it? get well soon, and we would smoke outside, as many sticks as you want, like i promised. waiting for your recovery, Wx.

to be or not to be

2009-09-24T02:38:00.001-07:00

and so, i had a change of job, now im working at GV at tamp. this job is undeniably easier than the prevous job i had, with the only disadv of lesser pay. i think i had fallen sick, coughing non stop these few days. the itchiness of my throat can be irritating, and now im gushing myself with plain water, hoping i could recover faster.

thanks for going to the hosp that day, and oh, i managed to see WX. he looks supposedly okay, just that he have slower reaction, and speaks like a child. hmm.. youre on the track of recovering, and hopefully you could be as healthy as before. i would visit you again when im off again this week alright? till then, please take care of yourself. its five plus now, and as much as i hate to, i needa go work le. so see ya earthlings.

WX, am i glad to see you revovering alot. please remain as cheerful as now, and hope you would recover soon, till then, i would visit you every week. bro, stay strong!

dreams in a glimpse

2009-09-17T10:45:00.000-07:00

so, i did not blog for like, so many days. hahas. today is thurs, and i managed to find a sp at just 1.3 k. hope i could get that amount by tml, with glen of course, and that bike is ours to keep. talk about moods changing people. i just talked on the phone with S.C, and we ended up hanging up the phone with none of us happy. good times don last? two hands up for that.

hope i could blog tomorrow with my bike pic la! argh. glen ar glen, better make sure you got the money ready erh, hahas. if not we can go hong kan liao. argh. girl, i miss you la. am i even in your mind, even for a sec? ha. i doubt so. fark it. hahs. nothing much to update for these few days, work and work, politics and politics. im looking for a better job le la. this job dont suit me AT ALL. ha.

WX, i wanted to visit you that day when i went to cgh, but you were already in another hosp. are you ok travelling the day you changed hosp? are you in any pain or whatsoever? rest assured, imma visit you as soon as my schedule allows it. youre getting better aint you? get on your trails and recover for good alright? please. i hope to see a healthy you looking at me the next time i see you. God Bless. WX, imy

where do i stand

2009-09-14T09:14:00.000-07:00

cool, a fascinating one week plus had passed. alot of things happened to me, and yet nothing elaborate enough for me to talk on. work occupied 9/10 of my time, and i had barely no time to breathe, not to mention finding my friends to slack. i miss those days, when we would sit togather and talk crap and can talk for hours. if my life is a v shaped valley, i might be on the better part of v. im slowly getting back on my feet. my leg is breaking from the long hours of standing, 10 hours, mean you. and im going to find a better prospect job if ever i could, and quit this. ha.

girl, tell me who am i to you? like seriously. i don know where i stand, how much i mean to you, and am i even in your mind, like how you are in mine. we would talk on phone on hours, we would message every single day, and yet i felt im drifting away from you. S.C, if ever you had a chance to see this, i would like to say, as much as i would like to hold on tight, if ever i let go on everything i wanted when you came along, im sorry. i did it with tears in my eyes.

WX, youre recovering aint you? i would like to thank god for answering my prayers, and kudos to you for getting back to the WX i knew. get well soon, i would be at your ward whenever im not working. concentrate on nothing but to recover alright? WX, wo zhi dao ni ke yi de, zhen ming ge shuo you ren kan, ni ke yi de.

bonded future

2009-09-07T01:57:00.000-07:00

cool. i din blog for like days? time seems to fly when im working, i started work on tues, and in a blink of eye, its monday today. my great grandma just passed away, and im heading to her song ka in a few hours time. watched g-force, and its a nice show, with humurous character, and super teeny weeny cuteey cute hamster. but hold, they can do things human always dreamed of doing.

truckloads of thoughts is rushing through my mind at the moment, thinking about job, money, and S.C, if you follow every episode of my blog. ha! anyway, i din reply her for like two days already, and it seems i can move on with or without her. to me, loving her means giving her freedom and not straining her life. so, i decided not replying her might make me seem like a jerk right now, but everything will be worth it when she get her dream boy. on a side note, im watching blood ties soon! its such a nice suspense thriller show and captivated me when i readt the brief description of that show.

wx, get well soon please. its been close to a month since that incident happened isnt it? you still got your ns to complete and your dream to fufil. get well soon, to do what you have to do, alright? everytime when i pass inter i will look at that fateful place, that place where it changed the lives of many, and cant help think of you. literally, thought of you. im on my knees , finger crossed, eyes closed waiting for you to call my name and ask me get up. do it will you?

the days i lived

2009-09-02T12:09:00.000-07:00

cool, so i started work officially today. because the 1st day i start work, i worked for half day only. and i had my off on tues! so i got to work from wed to sun non stop. cool or what. sometimes, thing that happen abruptly can be so cool. my collegues are cool, and friendly. well, being polite is somewhat in our rule. like, HA. they provide good meals for staffs, so i think im going to be fatter, and my pecs are so going to be gone. argh. boo for that. hurray for im able to knock off in time! just so you know, i heard from the rest of my collegues that they normally knock off late. this is going to be the last job i have cause im not going to get myself fired or whatsoever.

girl, if you told me im the one, i would hold your hand so ever tightly and never let go. but i know its not going to be me isnt it. and oh, i saw this super hot girl while working la! her enticing eyes and femine like smile. my god. and her dressing sense is so up to date. no man would not drool at the sight of her, and i mean it, like OMG. ha. kay, enough of her. *fantasy girl* look who said enough. ha!

lie to me and say u love me alright? lie to me and say u miss me. it doesnt matter. really. even if its just a lie. its enough to last me a life time. i don need a thousand ily in a joking tone. i just need a serious ily from you. if i could go back in time, i would cherish you. and treat you like never other. but oh. going back in time is some stupid story stupid humans say to lie to their fucking self.

wx, get well please. a serious please with my knees on the ground. get back kicking, and safe. im glad your condition seems to be better. and yet, i hate myself. idk why. bro, wo zhen de hen xi wang ni kuai yi dian hao qi lai. hao bu hao?

i let go because ily

2009-09-01T10:48:00.000-07:00

so, S.C came over to find me, and im grateful for that. saw a couples of friends, and i bet they must had thought im having a happy life huh, cool. think twice. obviously S.C doesnt know it, but today is the last day im meeting her. like this time, its for real. im working now, and this job, is easy but long hours and boring. argh for that. i got work tomorrow, so, im turning in soon, like real soon.

i hate it when im like a book to you, readable at a glance. i hate it when i know its impossible for me to linger in your mind and yet i tell myself miracles happen. i hate it when i would smile when i hear your voice. i hate it when i told myself to let go and yet i would message you the next day. i hate the way i love you even when i told myself true love doesnt exist. happily ever after is just so storybook. it DOES NOT exsit. i told S.C not to message or call me as i would be working, and i would call her when im free. but to me, that would never happen. let me apologise for lying to you alright? ha.

you said i seldom reply coldly, and you hate it when i get affected when someone calls or message you. seriously, does it matter? thanks for acting it does. at least i know you mind how i feel. key word of this paragraph. (acting like you care) its hard on you and killing me. give me a break alright?

if i could put a title and ending for my love for you, it would be. wishful thinking, and growing up in a hard way. a way no one would ever ask for.

wx, get well soon alright? im seriously missing you. remember the time i saw at tamp and you commented on my shirt? wake up and comment about my everything, will you? i know you would. its a matter of time. its ok if you need a little more rest. just know that you cant rest forever. get up and kicking soon. bro.

so near yet so far

2009-08-29T15:21:00.000-07:00

cool. its been some time since i blogged huh. two days i think. ha. nothing much happened these few days, slacking at sk, drinking a bit, and stuff. something unhappy happened between my friends today, but im sure it would never affect our friendship, i mean never. drinking is a blast, cut out the hang over. ha.

i get your hint, i know youre waiting for me to ask you out. forgive me alright? cause i don have the courage to do so. the more im in contact with you, the harder it is for me to let go. im being so cold so you would think im not as good as what you imagined. with so many people with the hot for you, im not confident of winning your heart. forgive my selfishness and low self esteem. i hate it too. everynight, i yearn to hear your voice and yet every minute i spend with you is the counting down to the moment when i have to leave you. you once told me, you never try you`d never know. as true as it might be, it will hurt me deeply if i were to hear a no from you. get it? i dont have the courage to try and neither do i have the confidence of being the one whom matters to you. maybe, being by your side is just not where i belong. the hardest way to let go is when you love that someon so deeply, but have to let go because your love is suffocating her and its starting to take its toil on you. you told me, everytime you felt contended with your life, someone had to intrude into your life. are you refering to me? ha. i think so. i seriously do. its 6.45 am now, and im not asleep. insomnia in progress i guess. i like the way i would keep quiet and wait for you to fall asleep over the phone, because i know i wont have much chance to do it again. S.C, ily.

wx, get well soon alright? i really hope to see you up and kicking again. youre still so young, with a promising future ahead of you. if i could have a wish right now, it would be non other than for you to get well soon. bro, kuai yi dian hao qi lai, hao ma? bu yao zai shui le. ni shui gou le. bro! get well, please.

unpredictable heart

2009-08-27T22:08:00.000-07:00

cool. lets recap what i did yesterday. went sk to slack, rotting to be exact, and acc my friends drink at reservoir. after that was tonning at sen`s house. this brother of mine hor, 24/7 at home gaming de leh. kao. like so no life, ha! bro, take care of your eyes and health la. keep gaming, cb.

my scv just broke down, and she sent the wrong message to me, i think she meant it for another person. cool. ha. what a wonderful day i had. if i could go back in time, i would hold your hand tightly so you know im there, and i wont let go. IF. what a stupid word.

sometimes i really wonder, what point is there we keep contacting like that, making me harder and harder to let go. sometimes i really feel like hardening my heart and stop contacting you, but WOW, i realised i cant. so much for love casanova huh. girl, you rock my world and my life revolve around you.

wx`s still in hospital, and i still feel as bad like ever. bro, get well soon alright? promise me you will.

never ever

2009-08-26T09:40:00.000-07:00

cool. so i still contacted her. when we were debating whether or not to talk on the phone, im struggling. saying no would kill me, but i realised saying yes is just prolonging my agony. so i made my decision. i kept silent throughout almost the whole conversation. my heart ached when she said she wanted to sleep and i said ok. but, do i have a choice? no.

let this be the last time i would ever contact her. thats what i said everytime, and failed to do it. but this time round, im sure of it. she go her life, her boy, her dreams. besides, its me who failed to cherish her isnt. ha. ironical. letting her go only to be at my knees pleading her to stay later on. cool.

i cant say this to her, so, let me type it here. to feel better. imy imy imy imy . ha. fuck everything thats going on my mind now.

so, i went down to slack today! like finally. ha! but still, my fatigue got over me and i decided to go home. romantic love story dont happen only in drama. it happens in real life too, the only difference being no matter what, the male and female lead wont have a change of mind. the female lead will wait no matter what. whereas in real life, people will change. so, not everyone is there whenever we know we`re wrong. agree? i know you do. ha.

i`d dream of you, saying yes to me. i`d get butterflies in my stomach whenever you called me. i`d be over the moon whenever you messaged me. but you would get these feeling only when he contacted you. it would never be me. and i know it. so, lets give it a break. i`d pretend i never found you.

wx`s still in hospital, and my guilt is accumulating everyday, everynight. bro, get well soon alright? i`ve been praying for your recovery everynight. get well real soon alright? promise me you would.

imsomnia

2009-08-25T13:09:00.000-07:00

woo. its so god damn late now, and im awake. alot of things is rushing through my mind now. i used to think, so what if she like him? so what if its impossible between us? i just hope to message her, talk on the phone with her almost everynight.

but this mindset changed when i watched a show recently. the female lead, who is diagnosed with a incurable disease, died shortly after she got together with the male lead. two years after their break up, which is due to her passing away (obviously) the female lead`s parents went to find him(the male lead. he said something that set my tears dropping. when her,(the female lead) parents is about to go off, he said "uncle, auntie. sometimes, i wanted so badly to hear her voice." but he knew its impossible. boys and girls, this show is based on a real life story.

than it set me thinking. if this guy, could get over the pain of not contacting the person he loved, why cant i? its 4 am now, and four hours ago, when its 12 am pls, i hinted her i dont want her to call. reason being, tonight will be the night i brace myself up. to NOT contact her ANYMORE. i decided to cease contact with her not because im in love with another person or whatsoever. its because i loved her too much, its starting to hurt me. so,..

i don expect her to read this, and i don expect any sympathy from any of you. i said all this because i just needed a place to vent my feeling.

i wont have a chance to say this to her in this life, but this is something i would not stop doing for the rest of my life. girl, ily.

1st post

2009-08-25T08:24:00.000-07:00

cool. so i have my own blog huh. my very first post of my life! how cool can that be, hahs. i created a blog so i can know how much i changed, ha.

did nothing much overall today, slept, slacked, smoked. waiting for my eyes to recover, so i can start working. like, WOW. hahs. tis 25th august today, so earthlings, remember today for today is the first day i got my own blog! ha.

nothing else to say. see you, and congrats. you just wasted five minutes of your life reading my blog. see you, idiots.